I am not sure what it was about Quinn that caused me to feel an immediate connection with her, but when I saw her again, it became clear to me that it was something divine and it was meant to be. What I felt the last time I was with her is something that will last in my mind forever. Even though she could not speak, her eyes told me so much and I will never forget. I love her, that is something that will never change. She has touched me and has become a part of who I am.
I would often dream of Quinn and I playing in a park….enjoying the warmth of the sun and the lushness of the grass. I believed it would happen and I wanted so badly for that. Maybe that is why the last day has been such a struggle. I believed in her miracle, I wanted her miracle, but the miracle that I wanted was not the same miracle that God intended. That is often times such a difficult thing to accept. Her purpose was full-filled and it was time to go despite what the rest of us wanted.
No matter how hard I tried to take comfort in the fact that she was no longer in pain and that she was safe in the heavens, I could not shake my sadness. Last night I went to bed sad, confused and angry. This morning, I did not want to face the day, I wanted to go back to before that phone call, back to when I was so full of hope. I needed to know that she was okay, I needed to know she was still with me in some way. For those of you who know me, you know where my heart is and why I am finding this so difficult
I have always said that blogging is not my forte, I am just not a writer…I take pictures…capture moments. However there are those moments when I am touched in a way that compels me to want to share it some how. Today was one of those days…
Some of you have been introduced to Quinn and you have been following her BMT journey via her Caring Bridge Page. Well, I was fortunate enough to be able to visit her again today. Seeing her sweet face is always a treat, but there is something else, when I am with Quinn, there is a calm about me, a peace that fills me. It is an amazing feeling, one that I have only experienced with one other person, Tripp. I am not sure what it is or why it happens, I can only say it must be divine and there is nothing like it.
Yesterday was particularly special as I was able to be in the room when Quinn received “Healing Touch”, an energy therapy in which practitioners use their hands in a heart-centered and intentional way to support and facilitate physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health. (Find out more). I had no idea how powerful that would be, as Quinn received this, I could feel it through my entire body. Tears came to my eyes as I experienced an amazing release and felt incredibly uplifted. It was truly an amazing experience. I did not think that there was any possible way that anything could top that feeling until I was preparing to leave. I approached her beautiful sleeping face bent over to whisper “I love you” and what happened totally moved me. Quinn opened her eyes and gave me what appeared to be an intentional blink and a then a look that seemed to say “I love you too.” There is no doubt in my mind that is exactly what she was doing and I most certainly felt it!
Many have asked me how I can possibly bring myself to do this, and I am always perplexed by that. How can I not? I am drawn to these children and it is something that my heart will not allow me to ignore. Not only am I inspired and in awe of their courage and perseverance, I am captivated by their shear being and I love them.
Besides, take one look into these beautiful eyes and tell me you would not fight for her..